It was a Sunday when my mother passed away.
Her funeral was the following Friday.
Her burial hasn’t even happened yet.
The grief is still as fresh as the memories I have been sharing on my personal Facebook page.
My mom’s death came both fast and slow.
Slow in the way she had been battling cancer for about six years.
Fast in the way that the cancer came back that last month or so and consumed her.
I don’t know that she was truly ready to die. She had made peace with it, but I know she wanted more time. She wanted to fight back against the cancer. She wanted to go back to work. She wanted to bring her grandchildren to the beach. She wanted to be here.
It has been really hard for me to let go of her. I don’t know that my mind has even really processed it yet. I know I miss her, but I still feel like she is still right next door just waiting for me to pop in and say “hello.”
I was driving home today and I selected a Genesis (the band) station on Pandora It wasn’t playing anything by the band, and I was getting kind of annoyed. My mom used to listen to their album “We Can’t Dance,” with me and my brother when we were little, and I just wanted to feel connected to her through the music. So I choose the option to listen to an advertisement in exchange for “artist only” tracks.
And this was the first song the “artist only” station played:
Ummm… totally NOT a Genisis song lol.
But I love this song…and I think maybe it was a sign of sorts.
I have this moment. Right now. To chase my dreams. To make my art. To write my books or poetry. To write this blog. To work on my business. To play the music. To sing the songs. To spend the time with my family.
My mom no longer has time on this earth. The best way I can think to honor her is to realize that I still have time on this Earth, and to make that time count.
I am a mess. I have no idea how to do it. I am basically a starving artist right now, and my dreams are certainly bigger than my bank account balance… but I will do it. And I will start right now. Because I have right now.
My mom influenced me in so many ways. I will not let her love and guidance go to waste.
It will be hard not getting to share all the success stories with her in person, but I know that somehow she will be with me, shining through in every moment.
I love you momma. I will miss you always.
Remembering Donna Airhart (a link to her obituary)